I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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