Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
