I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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