i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
