Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
