Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
