Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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