i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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