I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
