its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
