Apparently you make a good broom.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
