I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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