I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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