Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
