yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
