the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
