hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just pee around me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
