Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
