matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
