I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
