i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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