I heard we made out
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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