he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
