Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
