glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
