you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
