That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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