look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
