Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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