He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
