im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
