So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
