So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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