I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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