Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
