New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
