I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Randomize
