; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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