Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
