Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
accomplished twins. life is a go
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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