Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
