We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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