I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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