MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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