Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
