I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
