And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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