She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
