You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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