I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
