By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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