did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
