I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
