I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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