So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
