do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
